Selector Pillows

Beggar on street 'Ex-England opener bugged about by the selectors, please help'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Yummy Mummies

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"It boils down to which I dislike more: ironing shirts or non-iron shirts."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I've downsized."

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"I'm more of an 'I like to watch' dog."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"I wonder what this was for."

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

'How old is this vase?'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

'You can't vote him off, dear - he's the newsreader'

"Decide who you are, Wanona, before you buy sheets."

Spaghetto

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

Pawnshop: Genuine Fake Watches.

Elevator dilemma.

Antiques dealer and customer

Antiques Store with a bin outside with a sign saying 'Not for Sale'.

'To you, fifty quid - c'mon guv, it's HANDMADE!'

'Good boy. That's better than the others, but still too long. For playing fetch, I prefer a shorter stick, shaped like that, without bark or moss, and not quite as heavy.'

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'