Shearing Season Gifts

"Would you look at that! Timmy was overwhelmed at the thought of his first shearing, but now, he can't stop talking to his friends about it. . ."

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

Easter Egg Delivery

'Actually, I was thinking more in terms of a temporary position.'

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

"Just a trim and tidy-up, please."

'Sheep striptease'.

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

Getting Rid of the Cure

'So when the bottom fell out of sheep shearing I had to find something else...'

"Don't stress. My philosophy has always been 'ewe be ewe.''"

September: All the familiar signs of harvest are with us once more.

Grow damn you!

Virgin wool - 'Clippers On a first date What kind of ewe do you think I am'

"Each year John has so much trouble untangling the lights, they're on him longer than the tree!"

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? The irises clash with the roses! Peonies?! Here? What was I thinking? No! Not aphids already! Psycho gardening disorder.

'I'm looking for something, like, 364 days a year.'

Celebrating Spring Can Be Shear Hell

"They're especially bold at this time of year."

"The downside of living in the wild is that I need to shear myself now. Boy, do I now appreciate the skill professional shearers have: it's hard!"

"Well. It DOES make you look thinner."

'Just the usual, thanks.'

"I love the way next door never tidy their garden - it's the perfect source of blackberries for our apple crumble."

'I thought you said you'd done this before.'

Gardening Tips - training fruit trees can greatly increase their yield

'Yeah, they're neat tattoos, but they're only visible at shearing time each year...'

"He only wears it this time of the year. It's his har-vest."

Who's ready for pumpkin spice season?

Wool jumpers: Meet the author

'Oh Darling, I just love the smell of your new aftershave...'

This sucker was pretty clogged. Found lots and lots of wool. Yes sir, yes sir - looks like about 3 bags full.