Novice Shearer Gifts

'I thought you said you'd done this before.'

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

Two Players both holding the same cue.

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

"Just a trim and tidy-up, please."

'So when the bottom fell out of sheep shearing I had to find something else...'

"Don't stress. My philosophy has always been 'ewe be ewe.''"

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."

'Sheep striptease'.

Virgin wool - 'Clippers On a first date What kind of ewe do you think I am'

Celebrating Spring Can Be Shear Hell

"The downside of living in the wild is that I need to shear myself now. Boy, do I now appreciate the skill professional shearers have: it's hard!"

DIY expert.

"Would you look at that! Timmy was overwhelmed at the thought of his first shearing, but now, he can't stop talking to his friends about it. . ."

"Well. It DOES make you look thinner."

'Just the usual, thanks.'

'Yeah, they're neat tattoos, but they're only visible at shearing time each year...'

'I'm letting it lie fallow this year.'

This sucker was pretty clogged. Found lots and lots of wool. Yes sir, yes sir - looks like about 3 bags full.

Nicky Clarke sheep shearer

'Oh Darling, I just love the smell of your new aftershave...'

Shorn sheep gets Baaaaard!

Wool jumpers: Meet the author

"Will you be posting this on ewe tube?"

'Abandon Sheep.'

'Every year I say, 'Just a little of the top' but they never listen.'

A sheep shearing herself on stage - A sheep strip show

"Don't stress. My philosophy has always been 'ewe be ewe'."

'Wow, you got Bob! Lucky you, he's definitely the best shearer around!'

"Well, from what I heard, he was a dog-groomer before he became a shearer..."

"Anything for the weekend?"

Woolverine.