Sharp Wit Admirer Gifts

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"Is there a reason you haven't done any work?"

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"I love this time of year."

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

"Promise me that you'll donate my body to banana bread."

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

Acupuncture.

Sinister looking man sits near outline of body, with a sign that reads: 'All my own work'.

'Oh my god!'

"You have to admire their ingenuity at least -- They're burying their apple cores."

Toxic Relationship

'Please sir - all of them!'

Damnation without relief means there is no Ladies Room.

"You can try all you want, but being smooth is just something you're born with."

'Quick, Bensonhurst-Shaw, I need a bon mot for today's meeting.'

"Thinking outside the box? You bet I am!"

"I hope you're not a lawyer or a politician. We're trying to diversify down here."

'Just because you happen to turn into a wolf during a full moon, dear, doesn't mean you have to act like one!'

Today's memoir is more of a who dunit?

'At least getting run over by a hearse fit his sense of humour.'

"I'm awarding a million bucks for any school, park or high-IQ child named after me."

The uncomfortable staff lounge.

"I hate racist foreigners."

"What gives a miserable piece of lowlife trash the idea that no one likes him?"

"Why do I get lumbered with Myrrh!"

Shoe Tree

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

Lady tipping cab driver

"Eagle Eye" Eddie would often ace his eye exams from the waiting room.