Sharp Wit Admirer Gifts

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"Is there a reason you haven't done any work?"

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

"I love this time of year."

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

"I really enjoyed my job. Management found about it and fired me."

"Promise me that you'll donate my body to banana bread."

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

I was thinking about something more like a slogan.

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

Acupuncture.

Toxic Relationship

'Please sir - all of them!'

'Oh my god!'

Sinister looking man sits near outline of body, with a sign that reads: 'All my own work'.

"You have to admire their ingenuity at least -- They're burying their apple cores."

Damnation without relief means there is no Ladies Room.

"You can try all you want, but being smooth is just something you're born with."

If you think I've been witty and charming so far, wait until you see the word balloons I have back at my house.

"Thinking outside the box? You bet I am!"

'Quick, Bensonhurst-Shaw, I need a bon mot for today's meeting.'

"I hope you're not a lawyer or a politician. We're trying to diversify down here."

'Just because you happen to turn into a wolf during a full moon, dear, doesn't mean you have to act like one!'

"Why do I get lumbered with Myrrh!"

I thought we came from that way. Are you sure there's no South Star? I told you we should have asked Mary for directions. The three wise men on their way home.

Today's memoir is more of a who dunit?

"I'm awarding a million bucks for any school, park or high-IQ child named after me."

'At least getting run over by a hearse fit his sense of humour.'

The uncomfortable staff lounge.

"What gives a miserable piece of lowlife trash the idea that no one likes him?"

Shoe Tree

"I hate racist foreigners."

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"