Loves Sharp Humor Gifts

Acupuncture.

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Family Butcher.

"He, Igor? Who are we to play God with its gender pronouns?"

This is awkward, but I need to ask if you'd like to donate your body to science.

Scientist discover a new superbug

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

Red Card on the Podium

Home Business - Wife.

Ever the optimist, Bob takes up dowsing.

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"Graph A is verified by Graph B. Graph B is verified by Graph C. Graph C is verified by Graph A. So you see...it's all verified."

Taxes

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

'Happy Valentine's Day!'

"A funny thing happened on my way over here..."

'You look lovely today.'

"Now will you ask for directions?"

Cloning departments

"Is there a reason you haven't done any work?"

"No offense..."

Efficiency Expert Greeting

I started writing crossword puzzles when I realized it was the only chance I'd ever have of finishing one.

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

Recipes from the Mrs. Marquis de Sade Cookbook

Hell's kitchen /Beans only.

'The hamster ball is simple, effective and very economic.'

"Phil!"

Sheep Pranks.

"This is the Halal dog food. The Kosher dog food is in the next aisle."

Fire alarm - Penalty for improper use, $1,000.

'What's on the evening menu that's good?'

Scruffy man on desert island has written in the sand 'Help!! Need make grooming products.'

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal."