Shakespeare Sleuth T-Shirts

"I knew Yorick also. He gave me diarrhea."

Tonight's Lecture: Contesting the Will. It's going to be about either inheritance law or who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

'Edward de Vere? -- give me a break!'

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Well did he?"

Experts through the ages.

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"A conundrum, rather than an outright mess, I think, Mrs Ellis..."

"I believe this is a case for Sherlock Holmes..."

"If I don't think it's going to work, will it still work?"

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

Whodunits

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

"I think they're beginning to suspect our science is fraudulent."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

"Quit worrying about corroborating your sources - it's not as if anyone's going to take all this literally."

I don't trust that guy.

Basil Rathbone Caricature

'Oh dear. My husband looks suspicious.'

"If I were a TV reporter, I'd report only good stuff!"

"Richard has quite an ear for dialogue."

"They stay together for the money."

'I let Facebook and My-Space do most of the leg work. I just park outside houses wearing a trilby.'

Stolen Crime Books.

You can always tell a good book by its libel.

'I'm working on an upgrade of the computer, "Watson." I'll call it "Holmes".'