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"'If you can read this, you are too close.' WHAT THE-?!"

Ronald Mavor.

"Richard has quite an ear for dialogue."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'They all want to play the star.'

Paranormal A-Z...

$1: Family Secrets

'It's not for myself, you understand."

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

He looks so natural lying there...

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'Yes, they were using it to clean up the graffiti!'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

Missing Easter Egg

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

"It's the Grammar Police! Have you been using 'your' when you should be using 'you're' again?"

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Lost Property - Missing Head

The response of a spirit during a seance is in fact an annoyed neighbour.

'Excellent sir! Your signature is now completely illegible.'

"...He appears to have stepped away from his body."