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"'If you can read this, you are too close.' WHAT THE-?!"

Ronald Mavor.

"Richard has quite an ear for dialogue."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'They all want to play the star.'

Paranormal A-Z...

$1: Family Secrets

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'It's not for myself, you understand."

He looks so natural lying there...

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

'Yes, they were using it to clean up the graffiti!'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

Missing Easter Egg

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

"It's the Grammar Police! Have you been using 'your' when you should be using 'you're' again?"

Lost Property - Missing Head

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

The response of a spirit during a seance is in fact an annoyed neighbour.

'Excellent sir! Your signature is now completely illegible.'

I just spend all day inventing the conjunction! And?