Script Detective T-Shirts

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'They all want to play the star.'

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

Hollywood producer.

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

Eugene Ionesco

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'Actually, the entire novel is a metaphor of me getting rich from the movie rights.'

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

Hollywood Think Tank

Dear Diary

"The character I'm playing has Alzheimer's disease. So, I'm bound to forget my lines occasionally!"

Scrip Doctor

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

Subtitles for the Stupid