Sexual Adventurer Gifts

Rex Turgid, Secret Swinger

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"Where the wild things were."

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

"This will be hilarious!"

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

'This is my kind of place. You knock bottles off a table with a baseball and get a prize instead of time-out!'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"I met my first husband at Bloomingdale's and my second husband at Banana Republic."

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

"This is fun. I'm usually kind of a loner."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

"Hey! I can see the Empire State Building!"

The perfect man

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

'I wanted something special...not another candlelight dinner!'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

Roller Coaster of Love

Russian Dating.

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'Yes, I can come out and play. My webcam, iPod and videophone are grounded.'

An old lady Kitesurfing

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

"She said don't forget the straw."

Mate Mart

It would be hours before Jack realized that his wife was not being kinky but had, in fact, gone shopping.

Hippie Edibles Co.

'C'mon, Larry - you knew the risks when you promised to be my wingman.'