Sexting Satirist Pillows

"No, they're not mooning you, that's a peach emoji."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

The Female Brain and The Other One

The little engine that delegated

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'Secondhand smoke.'

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'No. It's not a past girlfriend. I'm a tort lawyer.'

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

'Job satisfaction is up, because there are fewer jobs.'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

"Thank god for Sudoku."

"I only allow myself one after a meal - I'm now down to 43 meals a day!"

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

'Well actually, the only reason I put my head out of the window is that Master smokes while driving...'

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"What about business - which branch is that?"

"This job starts out at $50,000 and tops out at $75,000 after three years."

'Even our arguments are losing quality - We used to have lover's tif's - Now we have lover's jpegs!'

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

"My youngest is at the age when she can barely comprehend cost effective analysis."

'The secret to great abs? Marker pen.'