Sexting Satirist Gifts

"No, they're not mooning you, that's a peach emoji."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

Sock Puppet in Literature

Reese Witherspoon

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

The Female Brain and The Other One

Dolestart - A New Initiative

The little engine that delegated

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'Secondhand smoke.'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

'No. It's not a past girlfriend. I'm a tort lawyer.'

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

'Job satisfaction is up, because there are fewer jobs.'

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

"Thank god for Sudoku."

"I only allow myself one after a meal - I'm now down to 43 meals a day!"

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

Boldly going where no man has gone before.

"That's why you don't smoke near the dang cannon!"

George Clooney.

'Well actually, the only reason I put my head out of the window is that Master smokes while driving...'

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"What about business - which branch is that?"

"This job starts out at $50,000 and tops out at $75,000 after three years."

'Even our arguments are losing quality - We used to have lover's tif's - Now we have lover's jpegs!'

'So where's the love?' 'Your love means nothing to me.'

'The secret to great abs? Marker pen.'

"My youngest is at the age when she can barely comprehend cost effective analysis."