Service Industry Pro Gifts

How to become the perfect waiter. Lesson 83.

"That's funny...this bullhorn hasn't improved service at all!"

"This is our soft opening."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'The customer is always right...'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

"He's my cousin. It's just until he can find a new restaurant to work in."

Professor Freely's new alternative fuel source did have its drawbacks.

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

Volkswagen Scandal

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

The American Nightmare.

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

A world choked with people mindlessly on the move

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

'Having a family life and juggling two jobs? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?'

'A tiny kitchen, one cook, and great food...I don't know how they do it.'

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

The King of Salesmen says 'Why sir, I believe you need a new tie.'

'No tipping please.'

Lunch-Hour Highlights

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."