Service Industry Pro Gifts

How to become the perfect waiter. Lesson 83.

"That's funny...this bullhorn hasn't improved service at all!"

"This is our soft opening."

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'The customer is always right...'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"He's my cousin. It's just until he can find a new restaurant to work in."

Professor Freely's new alternative fuel source did have its drawbacks.

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

A world choked with people mindlessly on the move

'Having a family life and juggling two jobs? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?'

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

'A tiny kitchen, one cook, and great food...I don't know how they do it.'

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

'No tipping please.'

Lunch-Hour Highlights

'Is that freshly brewed?'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."