Service Connoisseur T-Shirts

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

the food is nothing but the service

"What do I have to do to get the bartender's attention? Set myself on fire?"

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

Wifi in Hell

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Hats and Food

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Yummy Mummies

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

'Enter, 'The Globoracy'.'

What's the insect de jour?

'It is so nice to be able to take a break mid trip...'

"I can't wait for things to get back to normal."

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

Satis Factory Tour

Non-wall St merger: Mom's Home Cooking...Pop's Cafe!

'Monsieur, in this café you've got to dance your order.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

'Waiter, there's a mysterious stain on this napkin.'

Doughnut Criminals

The King of Salesmen says 'Why sir, I believe you need a new tie.'

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."