Service Agent Gifts

"I'm an international service agent. I can say 'I'm not responsible' and 'I don't know' in four different languages."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

GO AHEAD ... MAKE MY DAY!

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

Telephone message - 'This is a recording. If you'd like to speak to a real live human being, forgetaboutit.

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

Meet Santa's entourage

Snow White and her Seven people.

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

'Therapy in L.A.'

"Stop whinging and man up!" "Our new AI complaints management system still needs a bit of work."

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"Nap time."

Hollywood, 2083.

"I'm considering going client side. That way I can still be an a*****e and actually get away with it."

"It seems our precious three year old hacked into the White House with his playtime computer!"

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

Automated customer service.

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

'Maybe I should change this thing more often...'

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"Computer Help Line? I think something bad has happened to my hard drive!"