Service Advisor Gifts

Ed's Auto Repair

"Let's do this in your office. I hate talking shop in the shop."

"I can't get into specifics about your bill - that's operational."

'What's this £25 'extra labour'?' - 'That's for the time spent drawing up the bill'.

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

"The replacement part is $28, but cost will be $3,200 after we dismantle half the engine to install it."

"I'm at the dealership topping off my fluids while my car gets an oil change."

'It's a new federal safety regulation. We have to slide a mattress behind you before we hand you your bill.'

Motor Co - It's from Head Office, we've all got to be Crypton tuned.

"Shock absorbers" at garage payment point.

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

U of Debt

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

All Hail the Matriarchy

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

"Just go with the workflow."

Death to the Extremists

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"Mr. President-elect, the NSA is ready for your directives on who to spy on and how much."

"At least he's honest about it..."

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'It basically boils down to you need to do stuff better.'

Don't forget to read the small print.