Customer Care Agent Gifts

'If this is a live person - drop dead.'

"Apart from it being a **** pile of ***** with no **** idea about ****, were you happy with the service today?"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"You know, there are other emojis."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

Direct Marketing...

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"