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Preaching to the inverted.

"Hold on there, didn't we just do this last week?"

And then a voice came down from the Lord...

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'

'You have few faults, but you tend to be preachy.'

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

'I'm sorry my beeper went off during the part about redemption.'

'No more Mr. Nice Guy...'

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

'Why honest is the best policy...'

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

Please follow safe worship practices.

Male On Sunday

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

Sermon Applause.

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.