Sermon Humorist Pillows

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

"The fires of hell don't sound all that bad to me!"

"The way you kept yelling my name I thought you needed help!"

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Ten Commandments

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

Guru.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."