Humorous Sermon Enthusiast Pillows

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

Sermon Applause.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Finger puppets in church.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

Church restrooms

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

'Think about it, if it were not for evil we would be out of a job.'