Sermon Humorist T-Shirts

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

"The fires of hell don't sound all that bad to me!"

"The way you kept yelling my name I thought you needed help!"

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Moses separating his Laundry.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

Graduates on their phones

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Ten Commandments

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Pope tarts.