Sermon Critic Gifts

How's my sermon. . .

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

'Not to be critical, John, but you need to put more life into your sermons.'

'Today's homily is on irreverence.'

"I'm not hanging up until I find the person who listed my sermons under 'Double Dutch'"

"They should talk to you, some of your sermons are like dental surgery"

How's my Sermon . . .

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Not that his sermons aren't full of fire and brimstone... but his congregation comes out as 'bored again Christians'!"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

"...and in conclusion..."

Sermon Applause.

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

"It was a little preachy."

The Pope