Sermon Crafter Gifts

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Do it yourself books.

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

A potter paints a barcode on a pot.

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

Church: Open Sundays

'He's still addressing the nation.'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Cross-country knitting.

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

Our busy Sundays are Christmas, Easter and hurricane season.

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

'I'm not going to bore you with a long sermon to-day - here's one I recorded earlier...'

New Years Reolutions

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

Church sign.

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

'More options!'

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

"I don't know how he does it. He preaches entire sermons without using the words like, cool or awesome."

"It's not that we consider ourselves holier than others just because we choose to sit in the front row."

"You've got to give him credit - He was the first in his family to learn to talk."

Doug Coe

Moog invented the blog.