Serious Relationship Gifts

'It's serious. He's taking me to meet his support group.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

In the Guru District

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

Love at First Sight

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Life is for the birds.

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

Speed Dating for Turtles

Romance

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"You do like octopus?"

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"