Seeking Serious Relationship Gifts

"i had a nice time tonight, Dennis...but I'm looking for a serious relationship."

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

"I keep reading all these stories about virtual reality nookie."

"You like taking long walks in the rain? My dogs will love you!"

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

'Love and marriage?- I'm afraid I can't help you much with that, young fellow.'

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

Ask Sadie is back. You're on, caller. What's your problem? My wife finally answered my emails. She wants me back. She says she's sorry she left me for her personal trainer. She said making mad, passionate love to him has become unfulfilling. She said she's tired of the excitement, tired of his fancy house, tired of the lavish trips around the world, and tired of him not snoring like a jackhammer, like I always do. Let go and move on, you ninny!!! She said she's especially tired of his ability to

"If we're to have a serious relationship Nigel, you must stop ringing my bell and running away."

The Neuro — The First Official Worldwide Currency

"I never said 'I love you'. I said 'I love ya'. Big difference!"

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

'If you weren't afraid to commit, you'd CARVE it, not use a pencil.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'

"I met my husband in this bar... well, ex-husband...well, my ex-husband who's my current boyfriend. It's complicated."

"Sanctuary Vicar, for God's sake, sanctuary."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"Better hurry it up on that 'Eve' project. Adam's been giving the eye to an orangutan."

"Well - I don't know what possessed her..."

Ask Sadie. Sadie, how do you keep the romance alive in a senior relationship? Signed, Randy. *Actual reader question. I'd like to bring in my correspondent to handle this one. Oh, do I have to, Snookums? I don't know what to say to these people. I think I'm going to take a pass. DO IT OR NO NOOKIE FOR YOU UNTIL 2029. Communication and compromise.

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'I'm not sure we have a girl with THAT good a sense of humor.'

'I'm just looking for a committed relationship. I'm sick of all the games.'

'This sounds good. Sensitive, professional male, 30-35, enjoys long slithers along the beach...'

"I feel invisible."

'You never ask me if I still love myself.'

'Why do we never cuddle anymore?'

A princess looking for frogs