Seeking Relationship Gifts

'I reckon a laundrette's a good place to pick up a woman.'

"I was hoping for someone with poor eyesight and no imagination."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

'But I want respect for more than my ability to keep books! I want to be loved!'

'He loves me...he loves me not...he loves me...'

Woman looking for a partner.

"You might like my daughter. She's single and desperate too."

"I'm missing a significant other person in my life."

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

"I keep reading all these stories about virtual reality nookie."

"You like taking long walks in the rain? My dogs will love you!"

'You have a friend request.'

Ask Sadie is back. You're on, caller. What's your problem? My wife finally answered my emails. She wants me back. She says she's sorry she left me for her personal trainer. She said making mad, passionate love to him has become unfulfilling. She said she's tired of the excitement, tired of his fancy house, tired of the lavish trips around the world, and tired of him not snoring like a jackhammer, like I always do. Let go and move on, you ninny!!! She said she's especially tired of his ability to

'Love and marriage?- I'm afraid I can't help you much with that, young fellow.'

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

"Oh don't mind us, we are just having a small get together!"

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

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"I never said 'I love you'. I said 'I love ya'. Big difference!"

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

'If you weren't afraid to commit, you'd CARVE it, not use a pencil.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'I'm not sure we have a girl with THAT good a sense of humor.'

"Well - I don't know what possessed her..."

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'

"I met my husband in this bar... well, ex-husband...well, my ex-husband who's my current boyfriend. It's complicated."

'Nobody likes me at school. I need a personal assistant, a trainer and a P.R. firm!'

"Sanctuary Vicar, for God's sake, sanctuary."

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."