Serial Plant Killers T-Shirts

"Oh dear, look at these - I kill everything I touch."

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

Getting Rid of the Cure

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

This plant is a lousy malingerer!

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

"It's a victory garden. And the weeds have won."

In the houseplant cemetery.

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

"I dread these W.I. meetings

"Hey. What are you doing to that card?"

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

'Ha! I knew they were just little trees!'

"Is this one a flower or a weed? I'm not sure whether to admire it or not."

'Heaven welcomes botanists, we've millions of extinct plants that need classifying!'

Dead House Plant

'That's typical of Nigel - endangered specimens come first!'

Three Circles of Gardener's Hell.

Escaping Flowers

Garden Pest Solutions

"Other script ideas? Of course! I've been working on one about a killer plant and only your family and a lamp can stop it."

A Cactus warning His friends to put their branches up while a Human passes by.

"I'm poison oak. I'm pretty sure I'm poison oak.... Or is that poison oak?"

'Then it's agreed. You give sun, water and carbon dioxide and in return, you get oxygen.'

Animal rights and vegetable rights protesters battle each other.

'It's the only way to get to see their more inaccessible plants!'

Enjoying The Garden.

'You know that rare specimen you lost - I think I've found it!'

Attend to wall climbers...clear out exhausted annuals.