Plant Sheriff T-Shirts

'Black Peat's in town!'

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"Go away, he's not done playing Cowboys and Indians yet."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Reach for the sky, stranger."

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"Say, you were right, Sheriff, this is the best way to keep up with the 'Space-Hopper Gang'."

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

Getting Rid of the Cure

"I told you, I can’t scratch your belly right now."

The Lawman

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

"Today we can help herd cattle, go on a nature hike, get a sauna and massage, or go into town and rob the bank."

Sheriff.

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

'Stick em up' Kid plays with gun

"Watch yourself Sheriff....Looks like Billy the Kid is back in town!"

'When I said loosen your buckle and let 'em drop, I was talking about your gunbelt.'

Gun Ego

"Belly rubs later, girl. Belly rubs later."

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

"Frank, how many times do I have to tell you, it's a posse, not a search engine."

The modern sheriff.

Sellafield Nuclear Power plant being run by Homer Simpson

"I think you need to enroll yourself in a good two-step program."

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

"Sheriff, with these little blue pills they won't be calling you Deadwood Dick any longer."

Uh-oh!