Plant Racer T-Shirts

Enjoying The Garden.

"Tour de Frank"

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

Getting Rid of the Cure

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

"I didn't know it was poison ivy. It didn't have any warning labels."

'You and I are going to have a long talk when I get you home.'

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

"It's a victory garden. And the weeds have won."

Using plant pots to reach inaccessible object

'I don't know what it is. It showed up right after I invented agriculture.'

"Hey. What are you doing to that card?"

Chelsea flower show sewage

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

'Ha! I knew they were just little trees!'

"Is this one a flower or a weed? I'm not sure whether to admire it or not."

'Heaven welcomes botanists, we've millions of extinct plants that need classifying!'

'That's typical of Nigel - endangered specimens come first!'

Garden Pest Solutions

If you get lost, remember that there's a Starbucks on every corner.

Man with balloons about to bump into a woman with a cactus

"I'm poison oak. I'm pretty sure I'm poison oak.... Or is that poison oak?"

'Then it's agreed. You give sun, water and carbon dioxide and in return, you get oxygen.'

Face it -- you resent me for the exploring in depth a world that you take for granted.

'It's the only way to get to see their more inaccessible plants!'

'So, Bjorn, I hear you've gone vegan!'

'You know that rare specimen you lost - I think I've found it!'

The Fourteen Yard Dash

'I'm not here for a refund. I'm here for a postmortem.'

'...I just take the Hide-a-Meter bush, toss it over the meter, and voila! Free unlimited parking!'