Serial Kvetcher Pillows

Complaints/Just Kvetching

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'Is the water cold?'

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

Schrodinger's kittens

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

"You again, Paul?! Hey, you must know this ceremony inside out!"

Artist paints nude model with Etch-a-Sketch.

"Long time no see, Mr. Jimmy. I understand congratulations are in order on your recent engagement, wedding and divorce."

'On the internet, nobody knows you're a monkey.'

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

"But we had stir-fry last night and the night before."

Josh tests his theory that by driving backward through a quick-pass toll lane, he can get money ADDED to his credit card account.

"Use less powder. You're planting them too deep."

"We've been avoiding it for way to long. We really need to have a face-to-face text."

"Your Uncle Schrodinger has sent you another cat, the exact state of which cannot be determined until you open the box on Christmas Day..."

The quantum physicists enjoy a pre-conference stroll.

Mavis didn't realise she was still on hold. . . !

"I hate what's happened to the neighborhood."

Yeah, but I hear she lays a mean Scotch egg.

"Years are like my previous five marriages. You welcome them with big expectations, but you end hating them."

"And now, here's Dr. Frank Friedman to kvetch about the weather for you."

A misunderstanding between two passengers

Hey boss, you asked to see me? Yes, I want to know why you haven't carried out my orders yet. What orders? I tweeted them last night at 3 a.m. Everyone knows Twitter proclamations are now to be taken as official policy. Except when I'm just joking. What? But that's confusing. You mean I'm keeping you on your toes. Now go deliver a cease and desist notice to that lemonade-stand kid outside.

'Dill! Stop being a freakish modern day cow-relic chewing throwback! Ok?'

'Will the Buffo cure Gwendolyn's headache? Will it upset her stomach? Tune in to tomorrow's commercial and find out!'

"Nobody likes a know-it-all"

"You know, there really is room for intelligent debate between writer and reader. I'm writing a letter to the editor! People need to voice their opinions."

'I know that it's her favourite serial, but I wish your mother would get her own TV repaired.'

"Stop talking to people at bus stops."

'Wow... boss, that was a pretty sensitive caller! He said he can't talk to me because of my halitosis!'

At Bubbe's Condo