Serial Tweeter Pillows

Hey boss, you asked to see me? Yes, I want to know why you haven't carried out my orders yet. What orders? I tweeted them last night at 3 a.m. Everyone knows Twitter proclamations are now to be taken as official policy. Except when I'm just joking. What? But that's confusing. You mean I'm keeping you on your toes. Now go deliver a cease and desist notice to that lemonade-stand kid outside.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

TV-Man

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

Follow God On Twitter

"So this is what you do all day on your cell phone? Punching in letters...one by one...sending dirty messages to your friends?"

"Did you get that text I sent asking you to turn around?"

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'A new study of people who watch television all the time reveals some shocking facts....'

Stress Prison - The fictional jail you imagine being sent to so you can catch up with Netflix and reading.

Bummer Time Streaming

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

"#skydiving"

You finished Netflix

"I just sent a penny to your bank account for your thoughts."

"They went together, doctor!"

'I watch shows I don't like because I can't find the remote.'

"Your daughter has 'I have something to share' syndrome."

"We've been avoiding it for way to long. We really need to have a face-to-face text."

'Let me put it this way...don't start watching any miniseries on TV.'

Fishermen catching each other as fish looks on.

"I thought you gave up TV."

The late bird orders a take away.

New TV Season...Dopey man watching new TV shows

'Sorry we couldn't make the service but we enjoyed your inspirational twitter,'

'12:01 A.M., January 1, 2000'

"Absolutely not. I don't give my provenance over the phone."

"You never had to learn to relax, did you Fred?"

'The following program was made possible by canceling an even WORSE program.'

"I'm thinking of installing some strobe lights to make it look like he's moving."

"The doctor says you can go home. We'll get cable."

"No, I'm really into this series. I am just not into you making a very poor attempt at copying their British accent every waking minute until we finish it."