Sentimental Investor Gifts

I'll be gone soon, but I've thought of you all in my will... I wonder if it'll be enough to get the loft done?

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Wall Street Couch

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Day trading.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

"And so another trip comes to an end...with family brought closer together by a shared experience."

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

"When I was a puppy, I barked as a puppy, I understood as a puppy, I thought as a puppy. But when I became a dog, I put away puppy things except for my shabby, old, beat-up stuffy toy. I still freaking love this thing."

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

wealth investment

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'