Senior Lifestyle Observer Pillows

Milestones of Aging

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"It's his emotional support animal."

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'In general, do the right thing.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

'...Please stop the...'

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

"I need a more interactive you."

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

The new boy was teased for being different.

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"Your sister got another promotion."

'I need to buy some gas, but I forgot my wallet. Do you have $18,000 on you?'

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

Junior's Towel

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

"Think you could teach your kid to throw straight?"

'He can call whoever he wants, she's still not parking that thing in my classroom!'