Senior Dating Celebration Gifts

Old Love

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

'...makes a change from the zimmer frames!'

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

"You're not goin' anywhere, Roy. You buried your own nuts again."

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

'I still have all my own teeth.'

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

Love Fest 50th Reunion: Sewing any remaining wild oats encouraged!

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

'Dang! The Hoopers have been force-feeding vitamins again.'

Oldies.

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

As a louder and more satisfying alternative to clapping, Lily uses her bingo wings.

Seniors Pro (putt putt) Golf Tour.

"You only started bringing me home from the Darby and Joan club because I had a stair life and you couldn't manage stairs any more."

Methuselah shoots his age.

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

"Agnes is so crushing on him."

I love a lazy Sunday. What do we have planned, Dear? Just the usual. Oh yes. What time shall we do it? How about now? Sounds good. I'm ready. One, two, three … You kids get off my lawn! Now let's snuggle. We're not even on your lawn! Quit sassin'!

Elderly Dating

'The last time he jogged past the cemetery, the gravediggers tried to bury him'

"His snoring is just loud enough to mask my tinnitus."

5-hour relationship drug.

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

'I don't know what's the matter - I just don't seem to have my old zip.'

No Scooter Joy Riding!

Pensioners Ahead

"This is not exactly how I envisioned watching the grass grow in my retirement."

Challenges of old age

"Mom, Dad – this is Gloria."

"I took a viagra before going to the senior citizen's dance, last night, and I couldn't get anyone to come to my place. So there I stood, all dressed up and no place to go!"