Senior Chatters Gifts

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

Toothless Meal

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

James Bond: Senior Years.

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Sure, he can talk already, but it's all just psychobabble.

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

"So like, it's so cool to finally meet you in person."

'I'll slap the both of you if you don't knock off the chit chat.'

'HEY,no Tongue!'

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

'It's my prostate.'

At the Old Bikers' Home

'It's SUPPOSED to be quiet up here!'

"The Over-Sharing Economy"

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

Bus. Routes. Time used to be on my side, now it's at my back and pushing.

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

'Take two asprin and call my wife in the morning.'

'A gang of senior citizens was arrested today for harassing freshmen....'

"Last year I gave up wine for lent. . . this year I'm just giving up lent!"

"With Gloria, it's in one ear and out the mouth."

"We must do something about this memory loss, Richard."

Oh, hey, the music's starting. Can I call you right back? Inside a Jack-in-the-box.

Thank You For Not Interrupting My Endless Stream of Chatter.