Self-talker Gifts

Of course I talk to myself. It's the only intelligent conversation I have all day.

'Buying a cell phone was a great idea! Now I can talk to myself for hours and no one realizes that I am crazy.'

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

'My hair is so bad I have to cut it myself. I tried going to a hair salon once - they just yelled at it.'

The quarantine self cut.

'Sure I talk to myself. It's the only way I can have an intelligent conversation round here.'

"You want self-motivation? Look! I have my own carrot and stick!"

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

"I'm doing a think piece on me."

'Too expensive, too long, sounds boring, the jacket is lousy...'

Ok, the first challenge is to throw out all the cheap crap in the swag bag we just gave you.

Do I really offend people all the time? You're too honest. People are different from other animals. Other animals like the truth, but people are very touchy. They like their information sugar-coated. Do you see? But what about Dr. Phil? Precisely. He's almost certainly part jungle creature.

"I moved out here for peace and quiet, but now I keep talking to myself."

'Hank plays the banjo strictly for his own amusement.'

"Right now I'm his apostle, but my dream is to someday be my own Messiah."

Women pro tennis players having a conversation

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"

'We really need to start hiring self-starters.'

'We won't need you. I brought my own.'

'Honey, about these motivational notes you've been leaving for yourself...'

'Copy and study this list of text message spelling words. We will have test tomorrow.'

'If I didn't have me to talk to, I think I'd go nuts.'

'It's one of the advantages of having your own business.'

"Wonderful! This way I can go block after block talking to myself and nobody looks at me as if I were crazy."

When I wet the bed at my first sleepover? Worse. When I asked what they served at the bar at Josh's Bar Mitzvah? Worse. I give up. What humiliating experience did you just endure? Shudder. My mom said she's taking me bra shopping. At least you need to go bra shopping.

"I need a good pair of inner voice-cancelling headphones."

Worm inside Ed's head all alone.

"I've closed the fennerman deal, Ellen. Have some people toot my horn."

'These personal statements are just me...me...me!'

Online dating can be very confusing --- I just spent 20 minutes chatting with myself.

Should I wear my good sweater and skirt or

'It's better to work for yourself in Hell than to work for someone else in Heaven.'

Dust jackets for people.