Self-talk Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Sure I talk to myself. It's the only way I can have an intelligent conversation round here.'

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

The Gettysburg Address in process.

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

Jerry Brown.

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"I'm feeling a lot of love in the room - with the exception of that guy over there."

'I need to appear bold and decisive. Won't someone PLEASE ask me a yes or no question?'

'Someone stole my identity, didn't like it and sent it back.'

The Pope looks through here to check out the crowd before he speaks. Ah --- The papal people peephole!

Silly News.

'Hey, I voted for the big tax hike because suffering builds character!'

'You have echolalia — it's very common among politicians.'

"Friends, Romans, countrymen..."

Psychiatry. I keep thinking the same bad thoughts over and over! An "emotional baggage carousel"!

"Mr. Chairman, distinguished guests, Gramm, Rudman, Hollings..."

A big dog at lectern.

"I enjoyed your speech. Although I was sorry to miss my children growing up."

"I like him. He sounds authentic."

'Let's see now, if one score equals twenty years...'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Dog says, "I must admit that I've come a long way since I first heard the word, 'speak'."

"I owe everything I have today to my parents, my wife, and the bank."

'I was going to run for office, but by the time I threw my hat in the ring, all the really good catch phrases were taken...'

Jimmy Hoffa Jr. performing 'collective blathering' when He implores the crowd to 'take these sons of bitches out'

"I'm a speaker and I'm lost. Which one of these rooms has the conference/seminar/convention/wedding that I don't remember the name of?"

"I moved out here for peace and quiet, but now I keep talking to myself."

The Royal Road to Learning

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

"Shall I give my supporters your detailed policy speech, or just tweet them a string of sports cliches?"

'Give me liberty or give me death!'

'Hello! I don't believe I've bored you yet...'