Self-narrative Enthusiast T-Shirts

My Biography - Modern Memorial

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Audio Books

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"I feel like there's a chick in me trying to escape."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

"Goodnight, Dan, you handsome devil!"

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

'I wouldn't advise you to write your autobiography. It would be a very dull read.'

'Sure I talk to myself. It's the only way I can have an intelligent conversation round here.'

'Someone stole my identity, didn't like it and sent it back.'

"It's post-gingerbread."

Rudy, I loved your memoir. It was fascinating. The way you overcame huge odds to invent the computer. How you went on to protect us from government surveillance. You know none of it's true. The way you swore yourself to humility. People so want to believe a good story.

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

'I'd trust you anywhere - I think!'

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

"Oh come now, Mr And Mrs narcissus, Have you two been fighting again?"

Proceedings of the club

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

Meet the pop-up author.

Toni Morrison

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."