Self-sufficient Warriors Pillows

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

Woman looking into a mirror

"I can't make it out - on the packet it said radishes."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

"My fuse about my height is about as short as I am."

'And this is the secret of how our company gets through hard times: we grow all our own food!'

"Dear, it's a well known fact that women's clothes shrink in the closet during winter!"

'Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.'

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

Latest support group: British actors who couldn't get a part in the Harry Potter films.

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

Middle Distance Runners

"Wearing this hot metal for 20 days straight is rough."

In these hard economic times, positive self worth trumps negative self worth.

Akron, oh, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.

Give a fly a bowl of soup and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to use a crock-pot and he'll eat for a lifetime.

"Why do I let everybody walk all over me?'

"I'm going off the grid with the option of grid-binging whenever I want."

"Sorry, I double-booked. This wouldn't happen if I had a computer - but they insist we do everything by hand."

Fighting With Yourself

"We're tolerably self sufficient. Alistair, for example, makes all our own petrol."

'A second opinion? -- Are you trying to mess with my self-esteem?'

DIY helpdesk.

'Charlene had never thought of herself as beautiful, but..well...mirrors don't lie.'

Woman throwing away smoking accessories

'I don't have a shortage of willpower. I have an excess of fairness.'