Self-assembly Warrior Pillows

"There's no need to feel embarrassed, it happens to lots of men."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

'It all started when he tried to assemble a backyard gym without reading the instructions.'

'Because of the mess, 'Mr. Potato Salad-Head' never took off.'

Woman looking into a mirror

Best Seller

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

"Managing a major project in these challenging times requires IMAGINATION, the FIRST thing I'd like you to imagine is that you have a team to help you."

Decapitated coffee.

'It feels like I'm very much in a good place these days. That is, aside from the grammar.'

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

Shakespeare in the clink

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."

'Just tell him two quarts of milk and a pint of cream, Will- it doesn't have to be a sonnet.'

Burn out

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it' met its match.

"Now we're really in trouble!!! It's the Power Walking Dead!!!"

Rebel without a cause. Poet without a war.

A "Park and Walk" near New York City.

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

Writing For Dummies Books For Dummies.

"Why did we get a Cheetah? They need so much walking."

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

'It's a good building contract legally, but your jargon's weak.'

Meet Zelda Wisteria, author of the book 'Leap, and the Net will Appear!'

'You're too aggressive.'

Self-Assembly Bookcase

A well-dressed panhandler holds a sign that reads "Will argue for food".

"I'm not taking any chances."

'Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier