Self-stylist Gifts

The quarantine self cut.

'My hair is so bad I have to cut it myself. I tried going to a hair salon once - they just yelled at it.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

Bad hair day!

Surfing the daily stress

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

Beauty is in the eye of the manipulator.

"This is daring, but I like it."

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"

Pampered and poodled.

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

Shoe addict.

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

My Bangs: A Play in 5 Acts

At the suit makers

The Young Ladies' Young Gentleman

Mr Metrosexual.

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

'You're hopeful - worrying about what underwear to wear for the office party!'

"I don't like your application."

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

Vivienne Westwood

"A naked dress is perfect when you have nothing to wear."

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"