Self-service Skeptic Pillows

Supermarket Self Service Checkout

'I told you we should have gone for the full service package.'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Supermarkets

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

Open House of Horrors

New from Low-Key Press.

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"No religious nuts!"

Live, laugh, love

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

Older cousin press

Rational explanations

'Self-help books for cynics'

'I haven't been trying for years and look where it's gotten me.'

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'

Success Without Effort

'Thank goodness, the publishers rejected my self help book.'

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

'What shall I do with these old books of yours? '

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

'Bucky's new book, I think.'

Self Help ...Beg, Borrow, and Steal

"I'm thinking of skipping the holidays this year, in protest." "Very good, little buddy." "I see you've read chapter 7 of 'Randy "the Rock" Taylor's Guide to Winning Respect'." "Become an admirable person by sacrificing something meaningful to you, in order to help others achieve something meaningful to them." "I'm very proud of you, young grasshopper." "I'm protesting the fact that I can't shop at H&M on Thanksgiving 'cause they'll be closed."