Self-service Skeptic T-Shirts

Supermarket Self Service Checkout

'I told you we should have gone for the full service package.'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Supermarkets

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

Open House of Horrors

New from Low-Key Press.

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

"We'll up your medication and with any luck your delusions should significantly reduce!"

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"No religious nuts!"

Live, laugh, love

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

Older cousin press

'Self-help books for cynics'

'I haven't been trying for years and look where it's gotten me.'

Rational explanations

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

Success Without Effort

'Thank goodness, the publishers rejected my self help book.'

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'

Down with Chicken Soup Books

"I'm thinking of skipping the holidays this year, in protest." "Very good, little buddy." "I see you've read chapter 7 of 'Randy "the Rock" Taylor's Guide to Winning Respect'." "Become an admirable person by sacrificing something meaningful to you, in order to help others achieve something meaningful to them." "I'm very proud of you, young grasshopper." "I'm protesting the fact that I can't shop at H&M on Thanksgiving 'cause they'll be closed."

'Bucky's new book, I think.'