Self-service Skeptics T-Shirts

Lots of people helping out with the self-service machine.

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

New from Low-Key Press.

"To keep prices down, we require you to cook your own food, wait in yourselves and wash your dishes."

"We'll up your medication and with any luck your delusions should significantly reduce!"

Telling Self to Buzz Off

DIY Butchers

"No religious nuts!"

Live, laugh, love

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

Older cousin press

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

'Self-help books for cynics'

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

'I haven't been trying for years and look where it's gotten me.'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

Success Without Effort

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

'Thank goodness, the publishers rejected my self help book.'

'What shall I do with these old books of yours? '

Down with Chicken Soup Books

"How much do you think I should I tip myself?"

'Bucky's new book, I think.'

"How to spot a rip-off" Save thousands! Only £120

"Don't think you can just come in here and self-describe."

Self Help ...Beg, Borrow, and Steal

City Bank: The bank that sticks with you through thick.

"I'm thinking of skipping the holidays this year, in protest." "Very good, little buddy." "I see you've read chapter 7 of 'Randy "the Rock" Taylor's Guide to Winning Respect'." "Become an admirable person by sacrificing something meaningful to you, in order to help others achieve something meaningful to them." "I'm very proud of you, young grasshopper." "I'm protesting the fact that I can't shop at H&M on Thanksgiving 'cause they'll be closed."

DIY helpdesk.

"So basically you are looking for books on changing everyone except yourself."