Self-diagnosis Skeptic Pillows

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

New from Low-Key Press.

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"We'll up your medication and with any luck your delusions should significantly reduce!"

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

Live, laugh, love

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

Myth Diagnosis

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

Older cousin press

'I haven't been trying for years and look where it's gotten me.'

'Self-help books for cynics'

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"What do you want to be when you give up?"