Self-promoter Pillows

"I'm doing a think piece on me."

'Check out the glowing biography of me on Wikipedia. I wrote it myself.'

'These personal statements are just me...me...me!'

"I've closed the fennerman deal, Ellen. Have some people toot my horn."

Dust jackets for people.

"It's always tough, but I always give these awards to the most deserving person."

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Blog Breakdown

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

'You've probably heard of me. I'm an author, consultant and lecturer in the fields of authoring, consulting and lecturing.'

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

"I've decided to redefine as a GREAT artist."

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

"I'm in advertising. . ."

"He's brilliant, exactly like me, and a lower paid version."

'My tutor kindly agreed to help!'

"There's nothing much happening tonight... so I'm going to just talk about myself!"

'If you want to brag about yourself, start a blog.'

"Nothing showy, but we would like to be publicized."

"Jazz fusion, modern country or my podcast - my podcast it is!"

"It's my company. I want to star in the commercial."

"What do you do?""I'm a layer. The law. I do law. I practice law. I'm an attorney. Something legal."

This could be your blurb.

The Social Media Expert

School of Music: Blowing Your Own Trumpet.

Man replaces a bust with one of himself.

'Yes, I suppose certain narrow-minded people would call it a ‘pack of lies' - I prefer to think of it as creative up-selling.'

Lawyers - Counsel Chapotard reading in a Law Journal an article by himself praising himself

"Résumé? Dude, Google me!"

"After I expounded on my greatness all morning, it's funny he never complimented me on my humility."

"His fan mail keeps ten secretaries busy. Writing it!"

"O.K., well, think about it, but remember, I find my own food, I'm quiet, and you don't have to take me for walks."