Self-importance Philosopher T-Shirts

"I was just talking to Charlie Rose in my head."

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

"Nice haircut."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"What does she have that I don't?"

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"We really need to put some more mirrors in here."

'Cosmetic surgery.'

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

TV-Mirror.

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

"Nobody wants to steal my identity."

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

"It's my self-portrait. Obviously."

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

Bob Found A Different Yardstick For Success And he Felt Swell

'Some boys think I'm pretty. Some think I'm ugly. What do you think?'

'Admit it, Henry, you only love me for my hair.'

'I'm just sayin', with this cute little face and my big fluffy tail, I never really thought of myself as vermin!'

"Does this dress make my ass stick out?"

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

'He wants to look slightly mysterious and menacing.'

Even if you're the president of a corporation, you're still just the president of a corporation.

'I'd like to buy a frame that adds youth to a portrait.'

Age is a matter of perspective.

'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'

A little powder and a little paint makes a girl what she ain't!

Red Letter Days - Having one's portrait shown

My routine.