Self-perception Philosopher T-Shirts

"What happened to you!?"

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

Howie learned long ago that the smaller the mirror, the better the image.

'Distortion? We don't see any distortion.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

"Nice haircut."

"That's a big fat lie!"

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

"You say priorities, I hear suggestions."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, What do you think of younger men? -kl. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Depends. Younger men have strong jaws and rock-hard abs, but they're missing the sexiest thing: they're not crotchety jerks, set in their ways, willing to argue about anything and say totally stupid things. Hey, doesn't that foul old wretch realize I've got rock-hard abs and a steel jaw?! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-12)

I'm a bolt, dummy! Does everything look like a nail to you?!

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

Everything looks better through rose-tinted glasses.

'I'm a good ape, but I've never really been a great ape.'

Nice toupee, Dr. Kapuchnik. But … is it honest? At least a toupee is honest about its dishonesty, Al. Compared to what? A beret.

'You lie!'

'I'm just sayin', with this cute little face and my big fluffy tail, I never really thought of myself as vermin!'

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

Unreliable Narrator

"It's a bit overrated really isn't it?"

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

Mirror Mirror on the Wall...what happened to you?

"Why do you always get to be 'half-full' and I have to be 'half empty'!?"

'Your mirror's cracked.' - 'No, that's your head.'

"I reckon he's compensating for something."

My routine.

What men and women see when they look in the mirror.

Too many great complexions travel under false colors.

'I like obesity in a woman, Priscilla.'

'Ha! I see a massive grey blanket too.'

Vanishing Point - 4 Miles.