Self-image Superhero Gifts

'Breast implant clinic - No job to small'

Woman looking into a mirror

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

"My fuse about my height is about as short as I am."

TV-Mirror.

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

"I've simplified our work process!"

"Dear, it's a well known fact that women's clothes shrink in the closet during winter!"

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

Latest support group: British actors who couldn't get a part in the Harry Potter films.

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

'You know, it's not good for kids' self-esteem to keep harping on about this 'naughty or nice' stuff.'

'You can't join the Federal Witness Protection program just to keep your friends from seeing your bald spot.'

"It's my self-portrait. Obviously."

"Don't make me look fat!"

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

Self Love Witch

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

"I want three of you serving customers all day - two if we get busy."

Working hard to maintain customer relations

'You've got a lot of nerve, lady, calling my son's answers 'wrong'...His answers may be different, but they're just as special and beautiful as anyone else's.'

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

How people who have plastic surgery see themselves...

'He wants to look slightly mysterious and menacing.'

'A second opinion? -- Are you trying to mess with my self-esteem?'

'I'll take THIS mirror.'

"I'm trying to find that perfect piece of art that will make me think I know something about art."

If Only Magazine: The Pot Belly Is In!