Self-image Aware Pillows

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

That party went well.

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

When did you first feel like a male trapped in a female body? When I was a foetus.

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

wattle covers

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Nice haircut."

"Oh No!! - I'm deciduous..."

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"What does she have that I don't?"

"God help us, it's that guy."

TV-Mirror.

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

Motorway of the Self

"Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: a bold, debonaire male... The type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart 'dames' who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

"I'm realizing how useless I'd be in a post apocalyptic world - All I do is draw cartoons."

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

'Cosmetic surgery.'

"The perfect killing machine? Is that all I am to you?"

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

"My, aren't we patient-oriented this morning."

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

"Behold my perfect window of existence, when I'm neither trying to wake up nor falling asleep."