Self-help Book Critic Gifts

Thinner Thighs in 30 Days

Cannibal self-help books.

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

It's about self-control. "'No Thyself".

'The Lemming Book Store'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

Self Help / Elf Help.

'You need to ask yourself, Am I a pecan or a pecan't?'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

"Be careful of that sun, Stewart. You're starting to look like the front page of the 'Times Book Review.'"

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

"I feel bad about Nora Ephron's neck."

'Education is very important. Let's go buy three liters of books so we can learn!'

Finance Sector: Art of Rain Making.

A day in the life of Fred Billings, Attack Optimist!

"With one hand I'm reading the past decade's most critically acclaimed novel. With my other hand I'm searching for enough negative reviews to justify my decision to abandon it."

I'm the bluebird of happiness, and I'm on a book tour. Make Your Own Happiness.

"What I really want to do is chew up children’s books."

'Read any good book reviews lately?'

"This isn't what I expected when I signed up for the 'What Men Think' talk."

The Catkins Diet

Junk Stamps For Junk Mail.

Collected Works of F. Scott Fitzgerald. Listen to this ... In "the Last Tycoon" F. Scott Fitzgerald observed that there are no second acts in American lives. In my case, either he was right about that or this is a very long intermission!

How to get ahead and how to get further ahead.

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

"Your husband is critical."

"Believe me, there are no critics under your bed."